I need to talk
about how I felt invisible
as a child.
how I believed,
when I sat down in left field,
and sang during math tests,
and pretended tile was lava,
that I was too small to be seen.
how it hurt(hurts)
to move away,
to switch schools,
to chose to be teased
or ignored.
I never spoke
about the ways I died,
a little each time, I
regurgitated
(knowledge, self-concept, etc.).
how it was
only a C in Geometry,
a dent in a car,
and a skewed self-perception,
and yet, it killed me when
my mother said
"I wish that you were never born."
I must express
my tendency to
repress every emotion,
speak solely to myself,
and
We haven't spoken
in a month, though
I don't really miss
the silence via telephone
similar to that
of a cracked seashell
closely pressed against my ear.
I can say :
I could do without
the counterfeit, twisted,
upside-down frowns.
I can say :
you most likely see
the lack of communication
as solely up to me,
but may I be the first to say
you never called me
either and anyway,
I'm not up to playing blaming games.
Finally, I can say :
I could do without you(.)r
hyperactive laughing fits,
both trying and disingenuous.
And though we haven't kissed
since spring,
I can say: I don't miss the uncertain lips,
or how you tr